Updated: 8th July 2017
Are you in a committed, monogamous relationship?
Would you like to be?
Do you imagine it will be successful?
Is it successful?
I was pondering these questions, when I came across a polyamorist view of monogamy that resonated.
The author proposes that, despite downsides and complications, polyamory represents a more natural expression of human sexuality, whereas monogamy is a more evolved expression.
The problem is that we practise—or try to practise—monogamy unconsciously, following the social norms without recognizing we’ve signed up for a big evolutionary leap.
Without awareness, skills and resources, monogamous relationships become strained and most fail in some way.
Michael McDonald writes:
“How most people practice monogamy is a form of anxious attachment, using monogamy to ‘fix’ their fears, to ‘get’ love and support from the outside because they don’t think they are whole on the inside. Unconscious monogamy is based on expectations instead of agreements. It lacks the distinctions and positivity and naturalness of polyamory. It is focused on security instead of possibility.
Conscious monogamy is where both the natural and the unnatural aspects of monogamy are embraced. Conscious monogamy is a consciously chosen and co-created relationship structure, a container, to encourage more personal and relational growth. It’s turning up the heat on evolution.
Conscious monogamy is a long-term transformational workshop.”
I couldn’t agree more.
It’s important to recognize that the evolutionary imperative and our desire for wholeness underpins EVERY type of relationship—every human endeavour, for that matter.
We constantly strive to fulfil ourselves. To feel whole and complete.
Whatever relationship model or style of sexual expression this translates as, the danger is always the same: that we get to play out the same unconscious patterns, come up against our wounds and shadow aspects over and over again, all whilst imagining we will be whole and complete when we unite with the One (or the multitude of people) out there.
In truth, completion is found within.
The true Beloved is the one within us. The union we are seeking is with our Self. Our Soul. The Divine.
We set the foundations for successful relationships by committing to our own healing and integration—physical, mental, emotional, spiritual.
When we arrive at the abundant love within and practise self-love, everything else starts to flow.
Add on more learning and the cultivation of relationship skills, such as communication, empathy, sexual sophistication, and we can enjoy intimate relationships that are true art forms, pinnacles of our creative human expression.
Is there a smart choice?
Everything begins with you.
Are you up for the challenge?
For more love in your life?
Better sex and relationships?
Get in touch for an Ultimate Connection session and let the journey begin!
* Special offer on Skype and phone sessions this week only.*
Book now and I’ll contact you to arrange the time for your session.
And please write and share:
- What’s your preferred relationship model and why?
- What challenges have you faced?
- Did you make a breakthrough? Looking to make one?
Look forward to hearing from you!
My love and blessings,
P.S. Sex suffers when we become complacent, irrespective of our relationship model. Click here to download “8 Smart Sex Hacks”: the special feature in this month’s Marie Claire magazine offers expert tips to help you reboot your sex life, including my own “Adoration Ritual”—one of several sex and relationship enhancing techniques I recommend to my clients. Get in touch to find out more.
P.P.S. If you’d like to find out more about Tantric sexuality, come to my upcoming talk in London entitled “Tantric Sex: Is it for me?” on Wednesday, 2nd August. You’ll discover how Tantra can enhance your love life, offering you ways to share love that far transcend “ordinary” sexuality. Read more and register here.
Or get in touch to discuss private coaching options.
Questions? Anything I can help with? Feel free to e-mail me, or call me on 07576 366 197 to discuss.