From pleasure-seeking to saving his marriage. An interview with Klaus

Klaus has worked intensively with Elena, especially to overcome problems around his relationship and sexuality. Tantric principles were especially powerful for Klaus, helping him to discover himself and his wife anew. His experience of sexuality and relationship was completely transformed. Klaus offers a colourful and detailed account of his experience of Elena Angel and The Ultimate Connection Coaching©.

Q. Please tell us your age, profession, family situation, and where you are from.

I am 38 Years old. I work in the IT industry. I live in Germany. Besides this I work with Reiki and other healing modalities. I have been married for 15 years. My wife was my first girlfriend. I met her at the age of 19. We have 2 children.

Q. How did you find out about Elena?

I met Elena last May at a conference about Conscious Sexuality in Sedona, AZ. We  had a nice conversation at lunch. I noticed her clarity and her talent to make you aware of whatever you need to grow. My biggest struggle at this time was my relationship. I was impressed about her clarity and openness in her relationship. She really made me aware that “growing together” is a much better foundation for a relationship than lots of struggling and co-dependency like I had. I also became aware about how much I did not talk in my relationship at all.

You know, it was one of those encounters that change your life. In a short, nice conversation at lunch, she pushed some triggers that got me moving and helped  me a lot to become aware of well- hidden blind spots in my life.

Q. What attracted you to her sessions and what were you hoping to get out of them?

When I was visiting London on a business trip last November, I took the opportunity to reconnect and booked a session with Elena. On her Homepage Elena asks: How much pleasure can you take? I was willing to find that out. I had no idea how much else I would get…

Q. Had you done any sort of tantra, sexuality and spirituality work before?

My marriage was not working well; especially after the birth of our children. We started to call each other “Mum” and “Dad” like the children did and there was no room at all for our relationship. We did not have much intimacy and sex. My wife seemed not to enjoy intercourse and I did not want to hurt her. Over time the relationship cooled down more and more until almost nothing was left. Thinking about my wife I only saw her in her “I AM ANGRY at you ” mode and heard  accusations and impossible requests. I could never do anything right. At least this was, how it felt. Having sex about 2 times a year was not exactly satisfying also.

I started to visit prostitutes every now and then to get some of my needs met. This was not what I really wanted but it was better than nothing. I didn’t want to have an affair or another girlfriend. Later I found that sensual massage was more what I really enjoyed – at least much more than unconscious fucking. Eventually I found out about tantra and started to book sessions all over the world (Germany, UK, USA, New Zealand, Australia). I  travel a lot for my IT job. I also got involved with Reiki, Shamanism, Buddhism and other healing modalities. I did a couple of tantric classes over the last 6 years.

This connection with Tantra helped me get in touch with fear, guilt and shame – and to resolve these issues. During this process, I also found out that I did a great job of suppressing literally all my emotions. Tantra helped me to connect to my emotions again. I learned to let go of loads of fear and guilt and shame. It’s hard to believe how much shame and unhealthy patterns are connected to sexuality.

I do a lot of work with reiki and shamanism. I focus on healing emotional and mental problems in this work. But nothing is as effective as Tantra to REALLY step into your shadow and FACE your shadows — and get healed. The only way we can get healed is to accept what is and to move from this.

Tantra helped me a lot to learn about myself. I discovered how I hurt my relationship by the way I treated my family (I did nothing BAD but I unconsciously made some bad choices). My biggest fear at first was “what if my wife finds out that I am being sexual or sensual with other women”. But over time (especially after talking with Elena for the first time)  I realized that this was not my biggest issue. My view of what is right and wrong, about love and almost everything changed from the old Catholic pattern to a much more open tantric/buddhist view of the world. My wife’s old “catholic” influenced way of seeing and my new view of the world were not very compatible.

This was my state of being when I took my first session with  Elena.

Q. Could you describe your first session? What benefits did you experience afterwards?

We always have a conversation. The conversation helps me so much. Elena is a perfect listener, guiding attention gently to whatever is needed. During the first session, I was struggling with my relationship situation, I had almost completely lost my love for my wife. I only saw the stress and rejection.

In my first session, Elena helped me to UNDERSTAND what I really wanted. She helped me to get  clarity about myself and my relationship. She helped me to discover my deeply buried love again.

By the next session, my situation had already changed a lot and Elena supported me to see my wife’s beautiful essence behind a wall of heavy energy, fear, and disgust… We used different healing practices to eat up the heavy energy and to transform it. This allowed me to find the beauty and love in my relationship again. It’s not all fixed now but it’s much better than it has been in the last 10 years…

I feel seen and accepted exactly as I am. For me these sessions helped me to step out of a “needy” place. Elena helped me to let go of the feeling “I NEED sensual touch, sex, attention”, no matter how and with whom. She helped me to get to a place where I just KNOW that I am loved and where I love myself. From this place, I can approach sensuality and sexuality at home without the NEED to get something every time we become sensual. I learned to hold space for my wife and give her what she needs. This allows her to relax and open up step by step.

Getting these sessions helped me to get beyond the frustration of “I see you enjoyed this but what about me?” which I have felt in many sensual moments for many years. That does not mean that I don’t have my sensual and sexual needs. It just means that I learned to take care of myself and to get what I need even in a session with Elena. This creates space to hold space for my wife without being pushy or expecting more than she is able to give at any moment.

Elena also helped me to realize that everything I experience sensually is WITHIN me. I can allow or disallow any amount of pleasure by choice. It’s also about being present and choosing what I really want.

Experiencing this taught me that there is so much more around sexuality and sensuality than just fucking. I never learned to talk about sexuality and sensuality before I started this tantric work. I also found that many emotions are directly connected to our sensuality and sexuality. So going deep into this feeling like in a session with Elena allows hidden fears, emotions and expectations to surface. As soon they are obvious it is possible to heal. This is what happens for me in these sessions.

Experiencing Elena’s complete attention, support and presence is so nurturing and supporting. It really helped me out of a desperate and blocked state into a state of bliss and presence. I am so grateful for this support and this new energy that I can take into my everyday life.

Q. Did that first session change you in any way? Or change your mind?

As I mentioned above. It is hard to tell apart the effects and associate them to each single session. They did not only change me in a way, they changed me completely.

When I had my first session I was on the edge of abandoning my family and now I have a deep loving relationship with my wife again. Does this count as a change?

Elena also helped me to get much more clarity and understanding. She often also recommends books that help me a lot.

Our last session helped me to understand female / male energy so much better. Now I just can hold space for an emotional explosion without being hurt and without feeding more energy into the conflict. I love this. Incidents that ended up in an endless argument with many accusations just dry out in minutes without me feeding them.

You see there is so much that I get out of Elena’s support.

Q. What have you done since with her? And why? How long?

See answer above. I booked a whole day for my second and a couple of hours for my third session.

Q. What are the benefits in your daily life? Relationships? What have you learnt?

What I found is that doing this sessions and working with tantric ideas helped me to live a much more conscious life. I’ve got to a place where I mostly don’t fall back into old defence patterns and can hold space if my wife doesn’t feel well.

I felt like I must be an asshole because I never got anything right in my relationship. These sessions gave me the experience of being SEEN and ACCEPTED as I am, and allow me be a MAN instead of the nice guy I always was. There was no way to experience this in my marriage at all. And how could I bring this energy into my marriage without experiencing it first? Where else would I be able to EXPERIENCE this without damaging my relationship beyond repair?

My work with tantra and conscious sexuality helped me to get to a point where I love myself and accept myself.I learned to talk about sexuality. (A while ago I would rather jump from the top of Big Ben before I would talk about this).

Another aspect is that WITHOUT sexuality and sensuality my spiritual practice seemed to be incomplete. Getting involved with tantra showed me how deep our fears, guilt and shame go. And how well covered these are. What I experienced is that only by looking into these shadows, I could release these emotions, and only then I was able to grow more on the positive side. Without going that deep I couldn’t stay in my power in difficult relationship situations.

Over the last few days when I’ve been in the UK/US has shown me again how much I have changed. I experience how incidents that used to escalate, don’t go anywhere if I don’t put oil in the fire. (For years, I tried to find out how to do this but nothing worked out.)

My last session helped me to hold feminine energy (and to see these arguments as a manifestations of feminine energy that I love) instead of going into defence and igniting the fire even more — as odd as it sounds, that one really worked. I love it.

Q. And why do you continue to go?

As you can see, a lot has happened to me but I know there is so much more. I have mastered some tantric techniques and I have challenged myself a lot in the last few years. But what is the point in stopping now? There is so much more to explore and grow into. And how would I find my way without a really good guide? Elena is one of the best guides in this realm.